Ever have a Mom moment?

For those of you who are Mothers, have you ever had “that” moment? Others may refer to it as “the first temper tantrum moment”. To many young Moms, their young kids may have a tantrum once a day, once a week, once a month or if they are lucky, once a year. For me, I experienced my first “tantrum” this week. I am 46 years old and my kids are 6 and 7.I am being completely honest when I say that neither one of my kids have never pulled a tantrum before this week. I have been tantrum free all this time! The other day, my 6 year old daughter, Tori, decided to try it out for size.

Cathy & Tori

Cathy and Tori

While we were in Disney a month ago, we saw many temper tantrums. My kids would just stare at these kids, wondering why they were screaming. In fact, other Moms would gently say to me ” your kids are so well behaved”. I hear this alot from total strangers to my dear friends. Sure, my kids do behave really well but they for sure, arent perfect. They tend to be more whiny at times, instead of embarrassingly loud when they want something. But this time, Tori was overtired and not feeling good- a horrible combination- think “perfect storm”.

While in the grocery store, she couldnt decide what treat she wanted and was disturbed that there werent enough choices so she let loose, in full force tantrum-mania. Screaming, kicking, and a whole lot of embarrassment. I kept my cool and carried her out of the store. Not even two minutes out of the parking lot, she fell asleep. Clearly she was exhausted from her long day and decided to just “let it all out”. I couldnt help but wonder, in some way, how this must have felt great for her! Wouldnt you love to just scream and yell and have no inhibitions?

When she woke up, we had a nice talk. I told her she had a choice. She could be a good girl, with friends, playdates, sunshine, puppies, dolphins and lollipops or she could be the person in the store, crying , kicking and screaming. I told her she couldnt be both and she had to choose. Filled with remorse, she said. “I want to be a good girl”. (Just as she always had been for the past 6 years.).

I wonder how other Moms handle it when a good girl goes bad for a moment or has a day they would rather “etch a sketch!”
How do you handle it when your kids give you that “moment”. Do you yell? Do you remain calm? Share your advice on how you cope when you are having a Mom moment? We want to hear from you!

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10 Responses to Ever have a Mom moment?

  1. ” I told her she had a choice. She could be a good girl, with friends, playdates, sunshine, puppies, dolphins and lollipops or she could be the person in the store, crying , kicking and screaming. I told her she couldnt be both and she had to choose. ”

    Cathy, I *LOVE* this – you’re such an amazing person, and after this read, I would say an amazing Mom as well!!!!

  2. Jessica Kenney says:

    Ok, so I’m not a mom! But I work with kids all day long, some who tantrum ALOT. I am a pediatric occupational therapist. Cathy is an amazing mom, among other things, and she is an example of how to best handle this situation! Here is the advice I give parents:
    – As Cathy did, stay calm and don’t try and reason with your child during their tantrum. If you get stressed out, the child will sense this and it will raise their level of arousal/stress. And there is no reasoning with a child who is tantruming; so your best option is to wait to talk to them after the tantrum when they are calm and alert- just as Cathy did.
    – Figure out the trigger. So Cathy realized her daughter was over tired; and left the store. The best thing at the time for calming her was the car ride home, which helped her fall asleep. Here are some other general ways to help a child calm and self-soothe: deep pressure (a big hug, back rub, gentle massage); having a special quiet place in the house that you can redirect them to go to (set up a tent, or make a cosy corner with pillows, soft blankets and stuffed animals and call this their special place); play slow rhythmical music or a sound machine; shut off articifical lights to dim rooms for calming, teach your children how to take deep breaths; for young children use bubbles, kazoos and taking a drink of water threw a straw or sippy cup to help slow down respiratory rate.
    Ok, I could go on an on with this, but I won’t. If your child is often in a state of high arousal their are many tools for helping them learn how to cope. Email me and I can offer tons of suggestions and resources: jpkenney1@gmail.com
    🙂

  3. Melissa Stevens says:

    My daughter is 12 now. She is a very sweet girl with a very kind heart!!! But her hormones are going CRAZY!!! In the middle of her crying, dramatic fits – I ask her – is she crying for a reason, or is she crying because she is a 12 year old girl. That usually makes her laugh!!! But I also tell her that I remember being her age. I know what it is like, and I am here for her. At this age – it seems there is always SOMETHING dramatic!!!! Don’t cave in to the tantrums. Don’t make empty threats – they catch on to that right away. Just always reassure their confidence. They go through so many feelings when they get to school age – it’s amazing the influence other kids have over them! Bottem line – enjoy them, cherish this time…..they are only young once!!!!! It goes toooooooo fast!!!

  4. Cathy Savage says:

    OMG guys! Theres responses are great. Jess, your insight is amazing. I didnt realize I was doing anything right so Im glad I was somewhat on track. I am learning every day as the kids get older-there is no handbook but your insights are so helpful. Melissa, thanks for your thoughts as well. I love the fact that you really seem to “know your daughter”. Those years (12 yrs old) must be quite challenging. I love that you stress confidence. All too often, we forget that a chil’d inner confidence and self respect will help them later in life and help to prevent anyone taking advantage of them. (Jess would know more than this) My hope is that my daughter’s strong independent spirit, will serve her well in the years to come! Thanks for sharing!

  5. Patty LaGoy says:

    Hi- I am a single mother of 2 teens – 17 yr old daughter and 15 yr old son – I’m responding to the “do you yell? — yes, in these last years, much less than the ealier ones. In fact, I rarely had to punish them but when they turned into teens, something happened to their brains – I still don’t run into situations where I punish them and I throw everything out there to dscuss, if I do get ticked at them, but they are teens. I keep telling myself, they are good kids, they are good kids, I think I can … with teen years, college stuff, self employment and all the rest – I loose my cool. A friend gave me great advice – he said- before you loose it, tell your kids that you are going to loose it or if you have had a bad day and are loosing it, also announce to them that you are going to take it out on them — Their response has been, oh, ok … I found this was just great help because it does happen, and telling them, helps me regain control, makes us laugh and takes the edge off of whatever it is – the big fat nothing that is going on — but driving me (us) nuts! I think it also helps them and me understand it better when THEY loose it, so we learn to manage it … better. That’s all I’ve got …

  6. Cathy says:

    great posts ladies. I love hearing about this topic. I like the “im going to lose it” one. I actually said that once tomy son and he innocently asked me “can i help you find it?”. So cute and it made me forget about why I was so stressed!

  7. Joanna says:

    I too am a mom! I have 10 year old twin girls and a 5 year old daughter. Gosh, every child is so very different and I feel the suggestions offered earlier were some great ideas!
    I have also been pretty fortunate to not have many tantrums over the years, but have found myself in the occassional situation when it happens and I don’t know what to do. What is this kid doing? Do they really think they are going to get their way by acting like this?? I have tried being the yeller and it HONESTLY does not work and like Jessica said, They freak out more when you are yelling! Plus, you as the mom get yourself so worked up and it is just not worth it.
    As kids, they are all learning still how to express their emotions and every child is going to express in their own way. They need to learn though that it is not acceptable to have freak out sessions because it does nothing but upset themselves and those around them.
    We have also resorted to a designated spot in the house that is the “cool off zone”. Once they are done and are ready to talk somewhat rational, I listen very attentively.
    I too wish there was a handbook Cathy! That book would be worth a million bucks!!!

  8. CathySavage says:

    Joanna, awesome post. How funny is it that since the “tantrum”, my daughter is going out of her way to be “better than ever”. Yelling is not the way to go for sure.. thanks for your post!.. U rock!

  9. jules says:

    oh where oh where do I begin…lol….I have 4 kids…ages 13,12,11,and 9.

    The craziest place is the car…it can be LOUD and crazy…so I make sure to plan ahead with books, games, their own ipods and SNACKS….they are like little animals…feed them and they are good….lol

    But, during the crazy times….I have to laugh because you know what …..I AM SAYING WHAT MY MOTHER SAID TO ME…..and I swore I wouldn’t…famous words…’because I said so”…works magic in my house…

    it’s all a learning experience…but I love it and I love them….they are so good to me!

  10. Cathy Savage says:

    Hey Jules! I find myself saying it too! EEK! I never thought I would say it but I say alot of what my Mom used to say to me and I find myself thanking her on a daily basis! Jules, I dont know how you do it with 4 kids! and I dont know how you always look so fabulous! What a role model! Thanks for sharing!

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