How’s your sex life? Hot? Active? Good enough? What sex life? If your answer is the last option, it’s time to figure out why. A more important question has to be – what’s your level of desire? Do you want to do the deed?
A lot of women, especially the smart, successful, do-it-all types, find that the one area of their lives that isn’t thriving is in the bedroom. What could be fueling this lack of desire? Let’s look at some of the common culprits.
- Stress: How long is your to-do list? If it keeps you going on all cylinders from morning to night, then it’s far too long and leaving you with no downtime to even think about sex. Try to limit the number of things you have to accomplish each day and set a time limit. Once that time has arrived, put away your “to-dos” and focus on a little self-care. Go for a walk or take a long, steamy bath or shower. Of course, the best stress reliever is sex, so muster up the energy (even if you have to force yourself) and get busy. The interesting thing is that even if you aren’t entering the act with gusto, the actual actions will loosen you up and turn you on.
- Lack of Sleep: We know that a lack of sleep will affect your energy level and make managing your weight more difficult. If you’re so tired at the end of the day that you conk out the second your head hits the pillow, then it’s time to reexamine your daily activities and move that bedtime back an hour or more. Setting limits on how much running around you do each day will help conserve some energy that you can hopefully redirect into the bedroom. Also, start nudging your bedtime back by 15 minutes. After a week of this earlier bedtime, push it back another 15 minutes for the week. After a month, you’ll be gaining an extra hour of sleep a night and feeling more energetic for sex.
- Alcohol: That evening glass of wine or martini (or two) may loosen up your inhibitions and increase your sex drive, but it will also decrease vaginal lubrication, which is necessary for pleasure. Try cutting back on the booze and breaking out the lube for better results.
- Lack of “Hotness”: Do you look in the mirror and feel a little self-conscious? Chances are your partner doesn’t feel the same. No matter what, your partner is probably thrilled at the idea of getting naked and the happy ending that follows. So dim the lights, put on a sexy nightie (maybe one that covers any problem areas), turn on some sensual music and let yourself go. You’ll both be happy when it’s done.
- Do you know what you like? What turns you on? How much foreplay do you like? What kind of moves get you to that sweet spot? Make sure that you know what you want and like and that you communicate that to your partner. This isn’t the time for mind-reading nor getting anything less than you want. Make your wishes known.